My memories

It has been 3 months and I'm still having problems. There for a few weeks it seemed like it was finally becoming a little easier, and boy was I wrong. This is still hard and I'm still having issues coming to terms with it. Each day I grow to miss you more and more. I know that you are in a better place and I should be happy that you are there but I am not. I know that there are other people that have lost a sibiling or another loved one, and I know that they are going through some of the same things and if any of them choose to read this, I am sorry that you have to go through this. But I don't know honestly. I just want you to be here. I wanna talk to you and I wanna... I just wanna hear your voice. You know I have this teriffic boyfriend that you would love! His name is Tyler and he reminds me of you more and more each day! In my eyes that's a great thing! Because you were one of the strongest and most thoughtful person in the world. He cares about me... but the best thing that he does that reminds me of you is how he pushes me. He tells me to do what I want to do and not to care about what other people say or think, but if it makes me happy then I should do it, and that is one of the Best things that I loved about you. Especially in the music area. I remember the first time I got my flute. That was awesome! It was a Sunday and it was 11am and we went to music and arts and sat in there parking lot until they opened. Once they did we went inside and you and dad picked out a brand new Yamaha and a cleaning kit, and you bought everything for me. Then after a few weeks I was in your room and I was practicing and you told me that I sounded great and everything, and that I should learn how to play Happy Birthday on it! Then you came to my 6th grade concert and I felt so Proud because you came and It was also awards day and you could see my achivements, because you always told me to do good in school. Then I remeber last summer when I stayed with you.... I remember that it was a Saturday and you woke up and didn't feel good, it was the day that I had a flute lesson in Hopkinsville,Ky and you said that you were gonna take me. And that made me soo happy because I know that you felt bad, but you always pushed me in music. Then You sat in on the lesson. This was only the third time your have really heard me play. At the end you told me that I sounded really good but still had some improvement to work on. If I had only known that was going to be the last time you heard me play or If I only knew that was going to be our last summer together I would have done soo many things differently. I would have said forget the lesson and just stayed home with you! Then the next thing I knew it was October and I got the phone call that you had lung cancer...That turned my world upside down...then we came to see you!! I was october 19th and you were in the hospital... and I remember coming in and seeing you... you made me feel comfort and peace...then remember we took that picture together? You closed your eyes haha but it was just me and you... and then I said that I didn't know if I was gonna come back the next day because I had Orchestra practice and you said "Don't worry about coming tomorrow, there is nothing you can do here practice is more important." and I listened to you! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THAT!!!I swear if I knew that was the last time in my enitre life that I was gonna be able to see you and hold you! I would have just stayed there and talked to you and told you how great it was to be your grandaughter and how proud I am to call you my grandfather!! Then on Novemeber 5,2009 I got the call that you had passed away! I thought that was the end of the world! Our time had come to a close! I love you so much and I will never forget you no matter what in life! If I had just known that each day last year was going to be my last of those days with you I would have never let you go!!!!!! I will never let you go as long as I have my memories!!! I am going to do my best to make you proud!!!! and Thats's A PROMISE!!!!!! You taught me so many things in life and I have so many memories that I will never let them go!