Easier

Everybody keeps telling me everything is going to be ok. Honestly I want to believe that but I don't know if I can. I mean everyone says that each day everything gets easier, and you have to keep pushing forward with a good attitude. I have honestly tried my hardest and I try to live each day as a good day. But I can honestly say that it is not working well. I cry each day and no one can see that from just looking at me, and the other have of it is I don't want people to know, because I don't want to be though weak or just complaining. Which I know that it seems that I am complaining all the time. And honestly I don't mean to at all. I have been trying to keep it inside and not bother anybody about it. But, why does grieving have to be soo hard? I mean I have always heard the saying cry when a child is born into the world and celebrate at a death of a loved one. I understand the meaning of this saying, but the thing is I don't want that person to be gone! I mean its almost Christmas and he will not be here, he will never be here again to share one with me. And it hurts so much, and the worse thing is I didn't even get a chance to say good bye. I know that people have experienced death and they have gotten over it, but I have never experienced this until now! I don't know how to get over it or move on, It is pulling me down so bad, and I can't stop it no matter what I do. If it is supposed to get easier, when does it begin??