Me

Many of you think that you know me pretty well. But honestly what do you know about me? Do you know the things that have happened in my past, do you know all the things that I have been through. I know that after reading this some will think wow thats it, thats nothing compared to my life, and I fully understand that. But, I want people to know about me!

Ok, so I really don't know where to begin this, so if u really want to hear everything that has built up in side of me for so long here it is. At any point you can stop reading this because it is not that important because its stuff that I have a hard time dealing with and I can honestly tell you Idk y, I can also tell you it is going to skip around becuase I get lost in thoughts and everything. But any ways here it goes.

Ok, so this well alot of it started when I was in 2nd grade. We had moved to a place called Mt.Juliet in Nashville, and it was a really nice place and the school was amazing and I loved every minuet of it, and one day I came home and my parents told me that we were moving again, this time it wasn't to another house or anything it was to my grandparents house. We couldn't afford to pay the payments on anything any more it seemed because my mom had lost her car and everything like that, and then all of a sudden I was being taken from what I had grown accustomed to and everything but anyways yea, we moved and I remeber going back to that house with my mom one night because we needed to get a few more things and I just remember crying and crying along with my mom because at that point it seemed like our lives were just falling apart. Yea, and that very same year a few months later in Febuary, I remember it was like 2 am and I remember it like it was yesterday to be honest. I remeber hearing my mom scream GET THE KIDS!!! and I remeber jumping up out of bed and seeing my dad run in there me and my brothers shared a room because ohh did I fail to mention that we lived in my grandparents basement which only had one room? so they were in bunkbeds, i remeber my dad telling me to go! And I remeber sitting down on the couch cause I honestly thought it was a tornado, but they were like get outside, then I ran up the stairs everything was black and smelled, and i helped get my grandmother outside because she is disabled and my mom ran to the other side of the house to get my aunt and her four kids! There side of the house was on fire! and the floor was about to fall through! and my aunt was more worried about finding cloths than getting out but whatever, so we al got outside in time and It was sooooooo cold!! it was like in th 20's and I had a tank top on and yea, i was told to go get in the van, and my parents had grabbed blankets off the beds and everything so we had stuff to get covered up with. After the fire was out I remeber going back inside to get cloths and stuff cause we went to the hotel. The worst part of it all was to find out that my cat that I had had for a long time had died in the fire! And get this my aunt started it! She didn't want to stay up late drying clothes so she overloaded the dryer which caught on fire! Omg that smell I will never in my life forget! Ok, , after that we had to live in an apartment for almost a year with my grandparents, my aunt her bf and four kids my parents and two brothers in a 3 room apartment, it was not the best thing! I remeber sleeping on an air matress with my 3 brothers. Then my mom got sick and went and had surgery that was supposed to correct everything, but it made everything 10xs worse. now it didn't happen immediately but over the course of 3 years. So when I was in 5th grade I think I was 11 or 12 but any way I had to grow up. Mom got really sick and they could not figure out what was wrong with her at all, and every week she was in and out of the hospital. I would go to school and she would be home and that evening when I got home she would be in the hospital and it was like this for 3 years! and I recall countless nights that I was up crying and crying. Dad worked night shifts, so I would have to cook the boys dinner, do the dishes, put them to bed, make sure the laundry was done, clean the house, make sure they were taken care of, while doing my hw and practicing and still find time be a kid. Keep in mind that I was only in 5th grade. Many a night I was up till 1 or 2 getting everything done. And in the mix of all this they thought she may die, dad wasn't helping me at all even when he was home all he would do is sleep, then mom was home she was to weak to do anything. And come to find out dad was getting addicted to pain medication, which helped complicate things a whole lot. Ok fast foward just a little here. My dad coached tee ball one year. And there was this family that we became friends with, yea yea yea, ok so one day mom was checking the email at home and found these emaile between my dad and the mom of the one family and yes she was married. So yea he had been cheating on her. I remember him calling us over there and he was crying and i was crying and he told us that he had made a mistake and I remeber we walked out that day. and it was one of the hardest things ever. and yea skipping ahead to lets see my 8th grade year. That was one of my happiest times ever, because Band was Amazing and going great, and I was captain of the cheerleading squad and in great classes, and everything. Well, dad with his job travels a whole lot and he came to Owensboro quite a bit. So he got to know the people at the detention center really well. So he came back to Nashville one day and said I am thinking about taking a job there. and I was like ok. So he went for an interview and everything like that and actually got the job, but they told him that he had to move there within a month of getting the job, so I was like Great my last year in middle school with my friends u guys r going to take me and move me! I was so upset. Cause like I had not stayed in the same school for than a year and I had stayed at this one going on my second year. But yea they took and moved me from a place that I had lived for 16 yrs. to a completly different state that I knew nothing about. It is still a shock to me because living in a huge city like Nashville and then moving to a small place like Owensboro is a culture shock. We moved here the last 4 months of my 8th grade year, and to top that off, dad was cheating on mom again! That goes into a lot of detail and Im good on explaining that right now. So yea we got through all that and I started high school, and life was going alright until I got to Junior year. This year has been the worst year ever!! I mean started out ok, and then Me and Joseph went out and the night before Ohio County we broke up and that got me really down idk y but it did, and then I didn't really get over that, and then my grades started falling got behind on all my hw, and fell into this depression. It wasn't all because of Joseph it was life in general, like my parents don't know anything at all that is happening in my life at all, because pretty much they could kinda careless. I mean they don't care any more honestly. Yea Ik if i told them everything they would be like yea we know where u are coming from you are just going to have to deal with it and it will get better as time goes one. Yea Ik that is true but its hard when u are helping everyone with there problems and trying to make them happy and then I forget about my life and everything, and toping everything off, My grandfather passed away one 11-5-09 and Tht hurts so bad and still does I have not gotten over it we were soooo close its not funny and I lived with them for like 10 yrs. i their basement in that one bedroom basement with my brothers until we moved here and yea, he was always there and pushed me in music he has always been the one to tell me forget what ur parents want u to do u do what makes u the happiest its ur life, and now that he is gone I feel like a piece of dirt that is here, and that music isn't even important anymore, but Ik it is, and everything.

I bet that half the people that read this never knew any of it and the ones that do know some of it Im sure did not know all of it. This was an email that I sent to a friend that wanted to know everything that happened in my life, and if you are wondering why its soo long, that is why.